Non-Jews are for practice
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
