the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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