I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
