I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
