I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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