Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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