now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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