i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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