i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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