woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
