erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
