i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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