Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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