You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
