Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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