I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
