I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
