While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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