I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
