Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
