He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just had sex bonerless
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
