Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
