i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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