Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
