God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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