That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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