she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
