pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
