evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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