Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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