You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
