barbara walters just said penis...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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