I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize