all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
