Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Found your dick twin last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
