I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
