I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize