hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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