i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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