Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
