our cab driver is having phone sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
