one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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