you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
