dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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