You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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