I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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