put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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