"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
