New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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