If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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