she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
