he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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