if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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