I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
