please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
