I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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