he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
