maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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