Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
