Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
honey bunches of taint.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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