im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
