Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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