Well douche your snatch and let's go!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Found your dick twin last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
