guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
