and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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