My first STD was from a foam party
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
