I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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