i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
