you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
