I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
