You made me cry and you don't even care
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
