great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
