im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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