Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize