Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
