I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
