he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize